Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Things Changed Today: Day 6

Today I misplaced my phone. Well, to be more accurate, I threw my phone away. I am still in shock. I threw my iPhone away. My iPhone. My pride and joy. We tried calling it while I was still in the restaurant. No one heard it. So I went back to my trailer to see if I had forgotten it. It wasn't there. Trying not to panic, I grabbed my computer and went to the main building to immediately turn the service to it off. It felt like it took forever. I couldn't think. Couldn't find the right place to click. Finally after what seemed like an hour but was only a few minutes, I found what I was looking for. Back to McD I went.

I hate to admit that I need help. I really hate when I have to admit that not only do I need help but I  need it because I threw my phone away. How embarrassing it was, especially at first. 

The cashier that served me and the lady who works the dining room were totally amazing. Absolutely awesome. I walked up to the counter and said, I think I threw my phone away. Have you emptied the trash since I left? And the cashier immediately went to the trash can so no one else could use that one. He made sure to ask the lady who works the dining room if she had emptied the trash. I don't speak enough Spanish to be able to do that myself. And the cashier found my phone along the edge of the wastebasket where no liquid had gotten to it. 

People like to run their mouths to me about how unhealthy fast food is, but I can easily lose weight with both the Burger King or the McDonald's diet. I just choose to not eat the buns and replace the fries with a salad. Add an unsweetened ice tea and I have a diet with built in portion control. People tell me that is terrible that I am going to die from eating fast food. Maybe. But I am a lot more healthy than I was when I was over 300 pounds. A lot more healthy. Life is relative.  When I eat at McDonald's it's (or can be) somewhat low calorie, low carb and portion control.

But today; even though I had eaten well, all good intentions went out the window. Not right away mind you but about 3 hours later? I realized too late that stress was still running rampant and that not only my good intentions but my resolve to succeed had fled as well. If I had been home, I would have had to have thought twice. No food or no snack foods or no sweet foods. I already know I can't do them. That I want to succeed more than I want those foods in my house. 

One thing I found today is that I need to be willing to face things faster. What I had was around 250-300 calories. Instead of checking right away, I panicked. I beat myself up.All that sugar, all that butter, all those corn syrup solids. I so don't want to lose momentum what was I thinking? On and on my mind went in a whizzing cycle of self-flagellation. It was unnecessary for me to do that. Why?

There are a number of ways I can deal with 256 calories. 

  • I can get on the treadmill and walk it off.
  • I can get on the wii and work it off.
  • I can choose to eat less or to eat more low calorie foods later in the day. 
  • I can go for a bike ride with intervals.

I'd already done over an hour's worth of yoga and had burned nearly that much.

What I am looking for over the next 90 days is for me to look at things like what happened today and look for the options that can happen. Life isn't black and white. Life is shades of all the other colors in the rainbow. you expected me to say gray right? I choose to go around the other way. The way of the path less traveled. I will succeed. Yes, I will. 140? Here I come.

Need to get back to my grapefruit. I have $10 to spend at the veggie man's stand tomorrow. I am excited. $3 will go for pineapple.

Today's Weight; 248.2 BMI:38.96

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