Sunday, March 31, 2013

Today is Easter, Day 4

Today is Easter and I don't have any special plans. I got up weighed myself and did a new yoga routine. A couple of hours later my knees and shins hurt. With the poses I picked, I guess I shouldn't be surprised. While not a fan of the no pain, no gain, I have found that to make significant progress, one must feel a bit of soreness as one gets a different body through stronger bones and muscles. 

I don't really have any special plans today except to not go to the dinner with 300+ people today at 2. Still not feeling great stomach wise, wanted to walk a 5K as a present to myself, but really don't feel well enough. Reading a book or two would be great. It's been a while since I have read very many books and it's a hot day today.

I bought a sweet potato to go with some ham that I have and had my usual breakfast of grapefruit, an orange and eggs. I eat the grapefruit now while I am turning on my Wii and then hop on it to weigh myself and do the yoga. The new yoga routine is longer than my other one and I find I need to zone out to make it happen. There are a lot of floor poses. I need to put the routine together better and add some more of a couple of my favorite poses. This new routine is livable but not enjoyable. Enjoyable is important if I want to continue doing anything in the morning. 

I'm unhappy with the day's stats. I find myself wondering if it was the sodium or the oil or the not working out enough. Then I find I'm unhappy with the the way I'm unhappy with the stats. If I keep dwelling on it then I will start to want to do that emotional eating thing again and if I do that, then my goal of finding another type of routine, other than eating will have to be restarted.

Dealing with feeling like a failure can be hard. Even when one knows that rationally, that isn't true. I have made some good progress towards changes. I did do the morning yoga even though I didn't feel great. I did get up and weigh myself, even though it was hard. 

Breakfast was: 1 grapefruit, 1 orange, 4 eggs and a banana
snacks were: frozen banana pieces
Dinner was: 1 grapefruit, 1 orange, 1 medium sweet potato, ham and a banana

 Sunday 3/31 Weight: 251.3 BMI 39.45

Saturday, March 30, 2013

What Does Whole Food Mean To Me? Day 3

Whole food. Whole food. All day today I thought about what I thought whole foods are.  So I have enough in me to try to do the Wahl's Diet? They are treating vets with PTSD at the Iowa City VA with this diet. I would so love to try it. I have PTSD and was also diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and in my opinion BPD is nothing but PTSD intensified.


Derailed by Whataburger


Then I got derailed in Whataburger by a double Whataburger Junior and a medium order of onion rings. No soda, I had iced tea. Mostly plain but with a bit of sweet tea mixed in. It didn't put me over anything I shouldn't have calorie wise but it certainly wasn't good for me. Here's why:


Bread after 72 hours of having no bread gave me a bloated gassy feeling. It tasted good going in, but it didn't. What is disappointing is that I kept on eating it. I do that with the cookies my mom buys. If they are there, I eat them. And I continue eating them. But nothing I ate in the past 3 months affected me like this meal did. And during the last 3 months I had eaten them, but not after a wheat break.


What isn't a Whole Food?


Whole foods to me are foods that don't have a lot of extras added in.The more items that are listed, the better chance there is that there is less whole food. Let's look at it this way. In one kind of coffee creamer the list of ingredients starts with corn syrup solids and partially hydrogenated soybean oil, then comes sodium casemate which says it is a milk derivative. So in this creamer; there are more sugars and trans fats than milk derivative. Whatever a milk derivative is. Then there are 6 other ingredients including artificial color and artificial flavor. It's scary what we put in our bodies if we aren't careful.  

If there is a long list of ingredients on the label, there may not be a lot of food in the food you are eating. 


What is Whole Food and Why is It Important To Me?


To me, whole food is when that food has but one ingredient. Meat, broccoli, grapefruit and eggs are all whole foods. Something processed that has added corn syrup solids and/or other sugars, artificial preservatives or colors, or artificial flavors isn't something that really does my body any good. 

A whole foods way of eating rules out many foods that many people take for granted, There are additives in so many things; things that shouldn't need some of those additives. High fructose corn syrup in applesauce. Artificial flavors in juice. Sugars in everything. 

Some additives affect me more than others, but I really can't see why I should want to eat foods that are more additive than actual food. Many additives are in foods so they can have a longer shelf life. Does this mean they will give me a longer shelf life? It doesn't seem to work that way. 

What has become more and more clear to me over the past few years is that processed food causes me more problems than fats (not trans fats), but more more problems than butter, olive oil or coconut oil.  There are so many more calories in processed foods because of additives like corn syrup. Sugar goes under many different names including barley malt and buttered syrup. Now I know that syrup is sweet, but I don't always think sugar when I see it. Then there is the new rage with trying to call high fructose corn syrup, corn sugar because people feel high fructose corn syrup might not be good for them. So permission was asked of the FDA to allow for a name change. It wasn't approved but the name seems to be appearing more and more so there will probably be another petition for a name change. 

There are a lot of different names for sugar and sometimes companies will 2 or more different types of sugar to help a healthier ingredient move up higher on the label since ingredients are listed on labels with the ingredients with a higher percentage first. Here's a great article on sugar



GMO Foods


I try to eat as many organic foods as I can afford. Frankly I am worried about the new ruling regarding Monsanto. I'll discuss my thoughts on foods that are genetically modified (GMO).

Today I got up and did my yoga on my Wii. 
Todays Weight: 3/30 252 BMI 39.55

Friday, March 29, 2013

Staying motivated to move can be hard. Day 2


Remember this sentence? 
The only thing I know is that I like how I feel when I do yoga when I get up and just before I go to bed. Other than that everything is up for grabs.
Uhhh, that's not so true anymore. I am not working in the yoga before bed so well...

I am dreading facing leaving the trailer in the afternoon. For me, a lot is about anxiety and less about my weight or my exercise habits. I am not going swimming. I am not going to the exercise room. I just am not. The problem is, they compound each other.

Not sure what I can or want to do about afternoon exercise. 

I fell off the way of eating that I want to eat also. Is it the anxiety? Could be. 

I found today scary hard. Even though I know I can, that little voice in the back of my head keeps saying that I can't. I keep remembering that presentation I gave that talked about getting restarted was always harder if one was trying to restart from a dead stop. The object at rest tends to stay at rest. I am hoping to be able to become the object in motion. 

Sometimes I think I am hoping for too much. 
Sometimes I know I can do it 

This start though is still true: 

When Am I Going To Start My New Lifestyle? Now!!!


  • I will do yoga before I go to bed.
  • I will drink more water.
  • I will do what I need to do to move better and more.


Today's Weight: 256.3 BMI: 38.72

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Marty Needs to Lose 120 Pounds; Day 1

Working on Getting Healthy, Day 1


Thursday is never a good day for me to start a new lifestyle when I am in Texas. There is a park meeting every Thursday Morning at 9:00. I amble in to get some tea, glance over to the right and am mentally smacked by cheap donuts that call my name. I've so enjoyed those donuts all year. Somehow I manage to smile at the donut lady, amble towards a chair and join the meeting. 


I had tried to get up early to do my yoga before the meeting but that hadn't worked out. My grandson had called with a route question, this was his first 20 hour driving day and I was nervous. He is such an awesome young man. He and his girlfriend had agreed to help my mom drive home from Texas to Illinois. 

Swallowing tea to get a caffeine wake-up, I am playing on my iphone and manage to get up after the meeting,stumble back to my trailer and pull out my Wii. I weigh myself, my weight is down 3 pounds. Some people assume this is water weight. But if it stays gone, what do I care if it's water weight or not? It's 3 pounds gone. I do a morning yoga routine. I realize I need to change it up some, but instead explore other things that can be a different routine or two. 

For breakfast I eat 1 grapefruit, 1 orange and 6 deviled eggs. I think about the food I have in the trailer and what is in mom's trailer. Because of the problem with the credit card, I am on a food budget until Monday. There is a huge bag of veggies in mom's trailer I can use. Awesome!!!


Before I Get On the Treadmill, 2 Miles Seems Like Nothing


I face that I want to go exercise. On the way to the exercise room, I go look at a toothbrush hooked rug that I want to learn to make next year, Talk and laugh with the ladies who make them and think about getting on a treadmill. Before I get on it, I think--yeah, today is a good day. I want to walk 2 miles today. 

And-than-I-start. About a quarter of the way through the first lap I think, OK, maybe I will just take it a lap at a time and hopefully make it a whole mile. I've only walked a whole mile once before. My butt is really dragging. I shove my earphones in my ears and keep going. I bought this CD because the guy talked about the beat that he had made it in. It's not your run of the mill CD.. If one had asked me when I first got down here if I would buy a yodeling CD, the answer would have been a resounding no. But, hey, it's working. It helps me stay on the treadmill. I drag out a slow mile.

I am early into the second when a man comes in and starts chatting. He has a Michigan name tag on so we start to chat. First we discuss how much the sweat is dripping off me. Then we talk about how we are from the same 40 mile section of Michigan. I only have half a mile left to do when he leaves. There was a speck of hope. I decided to go for it lap by lap and succeeded. I sat in the shower for a long time before I was able to stand in the shower.



Derailed by 5 Tiny Twix Ice Cream Snack Bars


Still exhausted, I look in my freezer. There are 5 tinyTwix ice cream snack treats that mom gave me and the kids. I'd forgotten about them. Crap. I so couldn't just throw them away. After all, I was tired after exercising and little sleep. They don't require cooking! I eat the 5 tiny Twix ice cream snacks for lunch and immediately fall asleep for 4-5 hours. That is what processed sugary carbs do for me. they steal my life. Hours and hours of my life will float by while I sit around if I eat sugary carbs. They make me tired, totally exhausted is not an exaggeration. 

Upon awakening, I immediately beat myself up. If there was a degree in beating myself up, I would graduate magna cum laude. Wow, it would be awesome if I could just lose weight doing that. Instead, the problem is that when one could major in beating oneself up or get a degree in beating oneself up, one will often stuff all that inside and gain weight. I find it interesting when we have emotional weight, we often gain physical weight...talk about direct cause and effect. 

I walk over to mom's trailer and get the veggies, look there's also some applesauce. Look it's full of corn syrup. I take it home anyway. I eat a grapefruit an orange, a huge turkey burger with the veggies, and then have some of the applesauce. 

Later I can't face the end of the night Yoga. It's still better than I have been able to do in the past 10 years. Let's celebrate the good stuff. I moved for 90 minutes today. That's something that hasn't happened for a long time. 


If Out of Sight, Out of Mind Works for Me? I Need to Use It. 


One thing today has reminded me of is that for me to be successful, I need to not have stuff I don't want to eat around. I had forgotten about the applesauce and the tiny Twix Bars. If they hadn't been around I wouldn't have gone out and gotten them. I would have gone to bed without ever missing them. I'm discouraged but overall the calories haven't been terrible. The problem is that I wanted a lifestyle change and on day one I am looking at a terrible day nutrition wise. 

Glad tomorrow is another day. 

Weight Today: 256.2 BMI:40.21

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Marty Needs to Lose 120 Pounds

I Can Only Start Wherever I Am.


A couple of hours ago, my family left. I have nothing but time. Nothing to do but work on where I want to end up. But one of the things that one must do is is find out where I am starting out so I pull out my trusty Wii to check up on my weight and how much I have let my health decline. 


Health declines when one does nothing. And for almost 3 months, I have been doing nothing but surviving. As I step on the Wii Balance Board, I think a lot about how when one is merely surviving, one is, in actuality declining.  Worry kicks in. I knew where I was in December. Where was I now? 

Oh crap, up another 10 pounds. I decide that I really want to focus on my health, really, really want to focus on my health. But what do I want to do? How do I want to eat? Where do I want to exercise? How do I want to exercise. The only thing I know is that I like how I feel when I do yoga when I get up and just before I go to bed. Other than that everything is up for grabs. 

I force myself to look at the fact that once again I weigh 262, My low weight in the last couple of years was closer to 240. This so sucks. 

But there is relief in knowing the facts. On the plus side, I have maintained the 50 pound weight loss from 2002 .I have regained the next 20.

I need to Come Up With A Plan to Lose 120 Pounds!!!


Myths, Unsubstantiated Thoughts and Hopes


In my opinion,there are a lot of myths, unsubstantiated thoughts and hopes about diets and weight loss. Things that don't seem to be a total truth to me are things like:

  • Low Carb is Bad
  • A Calorie is a Calorie is a Calorie
  • Grapefruit Burns Fat or the other side Grapefruit Doesn't Help Burn Fat
  • Losing Weight Fast just means that the weight is going to come back
  • Low calorie means that one is hungry all the time
  • To lose weight one needs to take most fats out of one's diet



What I Personally Believe About My Personal Weight Loss:


  • Low Carb works well for me; it helps me leave out processed foods
  • Metabolism can really smack that calorie is a calorie in the rear end
  • Grapefruit can be and often is a valuable aid to burning fat (it helps control blood sugar and more)
  • Losing weight fast is OK if one does it in a healthy way and figures out a way to maintain that weight loss
  • Low calorie can be important but it needs to have great nutritional value as well as being low calorie
  • Healthy Fats are Good
  • Grains of truth can be important if one researches how they can work 



My Plan to lose 120 Pounds


  • No processed foods. None. Zero. Other than vinegar, olive oil. Lemon juice must come directly from a lemon.

  • People often laugh when I say things like that about processed foods, but I don't have any canned foods in my house. None. I do have some organic rice but not much else. For salad dressing I will need to use either vinegar or lemon juice and olive oil. 

  • Meat, Veggies and Fruits are what I want to focus on. No fruit juices or veggies with added stuff. 

  • I want to try a grapefruit before every meal. They control blood sugar and help one's metabolism. 

  • Olive Oil is Good

  • I want to lose a chunk of that 120 pounds within this 90 day period.

  • Exercise will play a large part in my weight loss plan.

  • I want to do yoga morning and night.

  • I want to exercise for 30-60 minutes on top of that. I want that 30-60 minutes to vary everyday for a week. I don't want my body to become comfortable with a routine.  

  • I want to exercise so much because it will help me live the life I want, not just because I need to lose weight I want to walk a 5K, be able to move better, make it easier to ride my motorcycle, I want to be able to hike, walk fast, stand for longer periods of time and just plain feel better. It would be nice if I had to get some new clothes, too.



When Am I Going To Start My New Lifestyle? Now!!!


  • I will do yoga before I go to bed.
  • I will drink more water.
  • I will do what I need to do to move better and more.


Getting out my Wii now because that's how I do my yoga. I have a 30 minute routine already in the Wii Fit Plus that I have. I start to use it and do that 30 minute routine.

Weight Today: 260 BMI: 40.80

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

What is Whole Health?

It's been weeks, months, maybe even longer since I have had enough peace in my life to blog more. Since the last post, my daughter got married, I visited my mom, my dad died, I went back to Quincy for the funeral, my mom came down to Texas for 60 days, my grandson and his girlfriend came to visit and I had a card number stolen and used by someone outside of me and my immediate family. But now, I am back. 


It seems as if this blog will first be used to document and write across the next 90 days. I am spending that time to become more healthy. Although I am incredibly interested in furthering my physical health, for me physical health and mental health go hand in hand. I long ago stopped relying on psychotropic medications and count on diet, exercise and other coping skills to maintain my wellness.


My whole health, wellness manifesto. 


What's the book that starts out, "Life is hard?" For me being healthy and wanting to be healthy (which is a choice) is hard for me to make. Too often I let inertia and the pain of arthritis allow me to stay sedentary. Or I let other people influence my life. I'm too wishy washy. I don't see that I have value. So I decided to give myself 60 days to improve my quality of life. Then a friend found another friend in a way that usually means they don't have time to talk to me so I made it a 90 day project. 


My Whole Health and Wellness Goals:


1 To become more independent
2. To have a body that allows me to do what I want to do, accomplish some of the things on my bucket list
3. To become stronger in my recovery to where people can't sway me so much
4. Work on kicking an addiction
5. Earn enough money to be more than comfortable for the rest of my life. I don't want to owe anyone anything ever again



How I AM Going to Become Healthy, Wealthy and Wise? (Big Grin) 


I am taking 90 days to figure out just exactly where I am, where I want to end up and just how i want to get there. The main focus of the 90 days is to focus on my health. Because if one isn't physically healthy, one has nothing. 

The next thing I am going to focus on is earning money. I am tired of not having enough money to do whatever it is that I decide that I want to do. 

To learn more, you have to come back tomorrow.